How to stay thankful (even when things suck)

I blankly stared through the methodical swaying of my windshield wipers as they swished from edge-to-edge, batting away the rain. Although it was the beginning of summer, this definitely felt more like a cool spring shower. As I drove home lost in my thoughts, I angrily reflected on my painful piano lesson against the backdrop of the moody weeknight weather. 



stupid.

frustrated.

not good enough. 
​



Truth is, I sucked. 
​
Before I get into what happened, you may recall that my last post was about how I was going to tackle piano lessons by focusing on the bare necessities and mastering those.
Yay for ambition! This is not an update to tell you things are going well. 

That was 3 months ago and since then I've begun work with a registered piano teacher.
Tonight was our 8th lesson and like the sun, my positive mood had disappeared into the night.  
 
"A 7-yr-old could probably pick this piece of sheet music up and play it without a second's hesitation." I thought to myself, as I jabbed at the wrong keys trying to sight-read. ​

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​I had brought a song that was fresh off the press at church and recently new to me. Good ole 'Teach proceeded to play the piece once through as if she was a piano ninja that wrote it as a child.  Awesome.

​After showing me what great looked like, she handed it back to me and said "Let's go through this slowly."  

http://evanlenz.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/sketch.png

At that moment, I knew I should have practiced more.  

For what was another painful 45 minutes, I glanced back and forth between the piano and the sheet music, jabbing nervously as I tried to play mere SINGLE NOTES, then threw in chords on my left hand. #Noob #AdultLearner
 
It really sucks not being good at something. It's easy to be praised often when you're great at what you do, but it's also important to get out of your comfort zone and ENJOY being there. when you're not great at what you do.

So, to summarize, this is what I appreciate about my experience thus far, despite sucking. 

Takeaways from tonight and piano so far

• Having grown up without a piano in the home until I turned sixteen, I'm thankful that I now have the opportunity to both learn and play at whim. 
• One lesson does not a pianist make. If I suck now, I can only play a piece better next time, with more familiarity. Growing takes patience and effort.  
• Being angry means I care a lot about what I'm doing. If I didn't care, I'd just quit and stop. But I'm glad that I am pushing myself to grow, even when hurts. Mostly from continuing to bang my head against the piano.
• Frustration as an emotion comes from one of two things. Either 1) I hadn't changed my expectations to match my skill level (It was 1) or 2) my skill level hadn't increased to match my expectations. Actually, I guess it's both. Now, my expectations are set that if I run through this song at least 20 more times, I will play it more fluently. So I can either continue to complain OR change my preparation to increase my skill level, so that it follows through to match my expectations. 
• Good ole 'Teach has taught me basics of
  • rhythm and counting
  • Most major Keys, both flats and sharps, along with how to quickly figure out what notes are in each key, 
  • ability to identify chords quickly and how to spot opportunities to pivot better. Although I need tons of review, it's somewhere in my memory circuitry. 
• The original goal for the year was 12 songs, and I'm at about 4 today. Learning this song will simply add another notch to the experience belt! 

What do you suck at that you're thankful for?