Have you ever run into one of those people who are constantly complaining about their life? Granted, getting a parking ticket may suck, or getting a lower grade on a paper may not be what you expected, and sometimes we complain about this, but I've noticed a distinct difference between how happy each person based on how they look at their past.

Some look at their past with anger, frustration and regret; they lament why it could have been so much better. Others look at their past with respect, humility, acceptance and appreciation.

However, in both cases, they have the same yearning: to make things better.

The latter individual pursues the future by focusing on the present and positively appreciating the experience of the past. The former harbours negative feelings about the past and a lack of contentment for the present.

You have a simple choice about how to see things, with self amusement or self pity. 

Which one will you pick, circumstance-to-circumstance? 

Takeaway Concepts
Chronic Dissatisfaction - displeasure with how life is
Contentment and growth - an eager desire to make things better combined w/ being at peace with how things are

What I've learnt recently spending time with UBC's finest

At our fall Alpha Kappa Psi alumni social, Azim Wazeer, former UBC Senate and Board of Directors member, said something that deeply impacted me. Audience members were all looking for reflections of both UBC graduates and AKPsi brothers with the role of AKPsi in their lives. Azim modestly started with this: "I don't know how much wisdom I can share with you guys, seeing as I'm only 22, but I'll do my best to just share my experience."

This sparked a humble realization in me that as much as I do know, and as many people that I do know, there are so many people that are sharper and smarter than I am. I went on to approach 10 of the respected names I have here throughout my time at UBC yet never had the chance to officially meet. I wanted to sit down with them and get a better idea of their schedule on daily basis, what drives them, and why they're doing what they do. Here's a summary of what I've learnt from them.

Joshua Sunga, current president of AIESEC at the time of writing, started our conversation with "Jay, how can I help you?" I was shocked at how quick and eager he was to help me, but it came clear when he said later on "I know if I help you, you can help the students in organization who need it." He went on to point me in the right direction in regards to whom I should talk to.

David Hyunh, 2nd year CUS rep, shared how honesty and being up front with one's  intentions has gotten him to where he is now. Having secured an internship with KPMG this summer, it is easy to see how he connected in the application process. His simple personal message? If you help enough people get what they want, you'll get what you want. He attributes learning this life lesson from Tim Tong. He has an innate compassion for helping people and doing well, driven by pursuing self-growth to become better than where he is now. David's solution for the future is hard work, an openness to new experiences & new people, as well as never being complacent with your accomplishments.

Sophia Ng reviews her lecture notes from that day to solidify what she's learnt, so yup, you guessed it, she's extremely academic. It doesn't stop there, but continues on with her rigid schedule that helps her balance her relationship, her schooling, her work, and her active lifestyle focused on healthy dieting and training for a marathon. She taught me that a regulated sleeping schedule and a simple understanding that discipline and commitment coupled with directive action lead to results. With five alarms set, five minutes apart from one another, she is always up when she needs to be, and I have applied that to my life and haven't been late ever since.

Jon Degerli stood out as one of the sharpest individuals I have met on first impression. Well-dressed and well-spoken, you can tell that he is eager to learn from others and knows how to get where he wants. He has direction long-term and understands how to properly connect and network with others. He shared with me his current focus: approaching 20+ marketing firms/ad agencies and setting up what he calls "information meetings." What are information meetings? They are short 15-30 minute meetings with a firm where Jon shares his background and experience, and -asks for advice-. His words? If you ask for a job, you'll get advice. If you ask for advice, you're more likely to get a job.

Margaret Kim is in her second year at UBC, yet will be taking over as the president for AIESEC UBC in a couple weeks. She reminded me that even if our original intentions don't work out, there are always opportunities and options to look into. She helped look into ways my job as a corporate recruiter could be promoted through AIESEC's conference and how I could help train students in sales.

Bob Wang, UBC Sauder graduate in marketing, is somebody I would describe as a good man. I've been friends with Bob for a while, learning something new every time. An avid reader, he spoke recently of John Maxwell and Stephen Covey. I was struggling with figuring out what to do when I overfilled my plate and had too many obligations. He said, "Why don't you go back to using the important/urgent grid and place your tasks appropriately? That'll help you get rid of the unimportant time wasters. (see picture at the bottom) Do what's important now Jay."

Kim Choy has an eagerness to develop himself. Having just come back from exchange in Warwick, he learnt that being an outstanding individual is dependent on who you spend the most time with. Kim has always been an athlete, whether it was running, swimming or basketball competitively, There's that quote that says you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. In Warwick, he met students who he felt surpassed him in everything: attitude, discipline, work ethic, you name it. Back in Vancouver now, he is pursuing life with vigor, realizing that it is easy to be complacent, but harder to do when you surround yourself with people who push themselves and you.

Ben Chen, founder of Blank Vinyl Project, UBC's first independent record label, surprised me the first time I spoke to him. From afar, he appeared like one of those guys that was really outgoing. When we met up for lunch, he revealed that he was more naturally introverted yet had grown out of that over time. He was soft-spoken, yet succinct and clear. His statements had direction and focus, passion and drive. He wanted to build something at UBC that would foster a community for musicians to grow and learn from one another. After spending time w/ him, I felt like we were fairly similar. University had pushed us into something different where we had figured out who we were and where we wanted to go. Ben Chen reinforced that if you have a vision for helping other people, it's only a matter of time before they see how they can help you.

Daniel Kong, president of Advertisinc, is an extraordinary individual who is passionate about fashion. After I shared with him my choice to be selectively ignorant (I don't watch the news unless something huge comes up), he introduced his two favorite places for information that was interesting and different: www.adage.com and Monocle magazine. Monocle is a niche magazine that shares diverse insight on global and current news in the world. He helped me find a way to continue learning new things and provide a source of conversation threads, without having to sift through Facebook for it (which is what I have done in the past with viral videos).

Dima Pel is one of my former roommates and the only student this year to be given an invitation to interview for Harvard's med school. I sat down with him and helped him practice interviewing because he wanted to make sure he stood out from everybody else. And stand out he did. Why? Whenever he answered a question, he drew on personal experiences that impacted him in becoming the person he is today. These personal experiences were intimate and private, but he shared with me story after story about why he wants to be a doctor. The way he was 100% genuine  made me want to help him fulfill his aspirations because he was being a HUMAN.

Get it yet?

The world is one social network, interconnected in so many different ways. Family and relatives, friends and loved ones, co-workers and classmates are all there for you to help you get where you want, but only if you reach out and ask for advice. 

Are you outcome dependent? 

Tuesday, December 5th.

Michelle sat in her desk, waiting for the final to start. She had managed to get in 2 solid days of studying and felt fairly prepared for the finance exam. Still, even in her 3rd year of university, she strongly disliked taking tests. A decent student, Michelle had a solid B average throughout each semester and worked fairly hard for it. Yet, at the end of each semester, final exams came and dropped her mark anywhere from 5-10 percent because she froze.

The timer on the classroom projector hit 12:00 noon. The 2 hour countdown for finance had begun. Michelle looked at her paper and blinked. It was happening again. She didn’t understand the first question. Nervousness spread across her body as she started tapping the desk, trying to read the questions again.

Thoughts of her current mark going into the final seeped into her mind. If I’m at a 75%...and I get 50% on the final… that would mean I would end up with a 65%! Oh my gosh!
_________________________________________
What do you think happened? I'm not too sure, but chances are she didn't do too well. 

Lately, I’ve been noticing a lot about top performers. In high pressure situations, they don’t crumble. Why?

Because they take away the pressure on themselves.

They do so by not even focusing on the future, but focusing on the present. They are not outcome-dependent, but instead focused on the task at hand. 

They are performance-dependent. What this does is it allows the individual to activate the logical, problem-solving part of the brain, bypassing the emotional part that tells you "OH NO!" 

I noticed the following video about Brandon Roy, an NBA player, on Lilly’s Facebook feed. I’m not a huge basketball fan, but watching this made it so obviously clear. For somebody to perform excellently under pressure, you’d have to not be thinking about anything but right now.

By removing the dependency on a good outcome, you are able to focus with decisiveness in your actions and thoughts, providing a certain sense of clarity. As such, you begin to act on the world around you, instead of being strained by it. What this requires is a sense that your past performance should lead up to a sense of confidence that you are prepared. 

For instance, you studied 2-3 days, at an average of 7 hours per day, with a decent 75% as a class grade. This should be the foundation upon which you base your emotions in a final. You then are able to tell yourself, "Hey, based on what I've done in the past 3 months, I should know enough to take care of these questions in front of me." This leads to a neutral pacification of your negative emotions of nervousness, lack of confidence, stress, pressure, freaking out, etc. 

Just some food for thought ;)

Are you outcome dependent?

Check out the video below! http://www.nba.com/blazers/tbtv/video.html?videoID=2525

It was a Sunday, and i was on my way to  church. The weather was nice out, sunny rays of light splitting through the car windshield. December was here, marking a -2 degrees Celsius on the thermometer. I parked my car and rushed in, 1minute before we started, and looked for my preferred spot on the left hand side of the auditorium.

There it was, empty.
The seat by the air vent. Oh, so sweet. =P
It was a seat of comfort and warmth, gently blasting a gust of hot air at my body. This was welcomed, especially with the winter wonderland outside. I sat back, pulled out my Bible, and relaxed, listening to the pastor preach. The heat was so nice...

20 minutes later, I dozed off.
If you asked me, I wouldn't be able to tell you what the preacher spoke about. I glanced at my Bible, it lay on my lap open at Deuteronomy, the first chapter we looked at that day.

All the value that I would have received by staying awake was lost because I chose to be comfortable. Multiply that over time and that's a lot of lost messages.

I find we do that a lot in class, in work, in life. We go with the best intentions, but often fail to follow up being present. Take, for instance, a university class. You go to university, choose classes that you think you'll like, and then go to those classes. All for the purpose of higher education. Yet at the same time, we pull out our laptops and lack the discipline to stay on topic in class. We surf the web, go on Facebook, check our email, and so on. Sitting by the vent could mean the difference between being physically present and mentally present.

I find that the best days I have are the days that I am learning something new, adding to my knowledge about the world/life. Other days pass by with nothing gained, but time lost.

Are you sitting by the vent?